Dr. Elizabeth King, LCSW, CHt
During a stagnant phase in your life, you may be wondering what is holding you back from advancing to the next level. All of the tools to success are there, but there seems to be an invisible obstacle that is impenetrable.
Ask yourself: What do I really want? Will accomplishing your goals mean spending less time with family? Maybe these goals require more travel. Accomplishing goals also can bring about more responsibility. Embrace change and take control of the fear that is holding you back from being greater. Start taking the next steps in controlling your fear:
There are 4 ways that you may be self-sabotaging and you may not even realize it.
Fear: You may be experiencing a fear of advancing. Maybe you are wondering if you are afraid of accomplishing success or reaching the next level. The fear comes from past experiences in
your life. Maybe someone in your past might have told you that you weren’t going to amount to anything or maybe you just don’t want to be rejected. Many times, people that were bullied or victimized as a child are very afraid of taking risks. If you would just step out of your comfort zone and go after your dreams, you will see that there is nothing to be afraid of. Think of what is the worse case scenario and you will see that it is really not that bad. Most importantly, make sure to set up a support system that will reassure you as you learn and grow. Remember, no one ever becomes successful without taking risks.
Taking control of your fear of success is vital to moving forward in life. When we fear success, we are being selfish because we are holding back on what we can offer to the world. Embrace who you are, your calling, and let go of that fear!
Backtrack and try to understand your personal message system. Begin analyzing your thoughts and what they are saying to you. Dissect where your fear is coming from. Exactly what in the past made you think and feel this way? Encourage yourself to overcome these fears! Write a note on your mirror or write it in your post-its and put it on your mirror: “I am good enough to succeed and to go after what I want.”
Self-hatred: Often times, people will not realize when they self-sabotage out of self-hatred. If you are constantly saying to yourself “I am not good enough”, you are probably self-sabotaging. This usually comes from old messages that pierced your self-esteem. Self-hatred comes from an inner seed that was planted and manifested into something that has begun to negatively affect you in your everyday life. Allow yourself to uproot that inner feeling of self-hatred so that you can begin truly loving yourself. Be kind to yourself and embrace your strengths. Repeat after me, “I am good enough”.
Perfectionist: During this phase in your life, you may feel that everything needs to be in order. As a perfectionist, you may begin to feel stuck if you are not satisfied with the outcome of your life at this point. While striving to be great is important, it is also important to remember that you can and will make mistakes. Allow yourself to learn from them and grow.
Procrastination: Procrastination is your fear of success being disguised. Sometimes procrastination may linger for hours or weeks or months. This happens to a lot of people. Remember that you are not alone and you can succeed! The remedy here is simply to take action. Make a list of things that you need to do and then do them. Set up an accountability buddy that will hold your feet to the fire. As long as you stop making excuses and start doing what you have to do, you will be moving towards success.
None of this happens by itself or all at once. You have to make it happen, and TODAY is as good as any day to start. So, put on your best suit and stilettos and apply your “I’m ready to do this” lipstick, and start moving forward.
And that’s how you live a #SASSYlife!
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